In 1980, George Burns became the oldest singer with a hit record on the national charts, the oldest actor to win an Oscar, and the oldest touring stand-up comedian. Hear Bob’s phone call with Burns, excerpts from their face-to-face meeting, and George’s wisdom on life. (Photo: James Shaffer)
Bob Smith interviews legendary comedian George Burns by telephone and in-person, discussing Burns’ eight decades in show business, including his early days in vaudeville and radio. One of the few entertainers whose career successfully spanned vaudeville, radio, film, records and television, Burns shares his insights on comedy storytelling and discusses his experience in vaudeville – including his times in Iowa. Quoting playwright Neil Simon, Burns demonstrates how comedians poked fun at the names of various cities and towns in their acts. Some towns – like Poughkeepsie, sounded funnier than others. Burns provided insight into the mechanics of old-time show business, recalling how vaudeville performers did multiple live shows a day in different cities, with little leisure time or rest.
Outline
Comedian George Burns’ life and career.
- Bob Smith interviews famed comedian George Burns by telephone, weeks before a benefit performance for a Dubuque, Iowa hospital.
- The 84 year old comedy legend discusses his life, career and future plans.
Burns & Allen radio show history and marriage advice.
- Burns spent his early life in poverty – growing up as Nathan Birnbaum. He adopted the name “Burns” at age 7, something he’s used ever since.
- Burns married Vaudevillian Gracie Allen in the 1920s.
- They worked together for 40 years, starting out with George as the comedian and Gracie as the “straight man.”
- Burns soon discovered his straight man got more laughs than he did, and immediately re-wrote the act, switched roles with his partner.
- Burns recounts how he and Gracie Allen’s radio show began, including their early struggles and eventual success.
- The pair’s unique blend of humor and situation comedy made theirs one of the most popular on network radio in the 1940s and early 50s.
Income taxes and personal stories.
- During the interview, interviewer Bob Smith intersperses several of the couple’s radio routines, including one on income taxes, using Gracie’s twisted logic.
- The Burns and Allen show featured top-Hollywood talent, including guest stars such as Ronald Reagan and comedy writers like Hal Goldman and Seaman Jacobs.
- The show’s format often involved Gracie Allen playing dumb and George Burns correcting her, with the two engaging in witty banter and comedy sketches.
Comedy, acting, and show business with George Burn
- George Burns recounts working with comedians Tony Martin and WC Fields, sharing anecdotes about their personalities and performances.
- He describes a practical joke he played on comedian and friend Jack Benny at Chasen’s restaurant.
- Burns suggested the two fake a fight over who should pay the bill to get the restaurant owner to pay it, saying “You go first.”
- When Benny starts the argument insisting that he should pay, Burns sits silently.
- George Burns discusses his early days on radio and television, including breaking character to talk directly to the audience.
- He shares fond memories of working with singer John Denver on the film, Oh God!
- about his hit song, I Wish I Was 18 Again, and his transition to country music at age 84.
Live interviews with Burns in Lincoln Town Car and at a hotel press conference
- Smith plays portions of a live interview he did with Burns during a two hour ride in a Lincoln Town car, plus a press conference at the Julien Dubuque Hotel, before the comedian’s hotel benefit performance.
- Both capture Burns’ wit, wisdom and passion for show business.
- Smith asks Burns about old vaudeville comedians’ use of city and town names for humor, and Burns shares his own experiences on the topic.
- Burns discusses early days in show business, including his work with roller skating acts, and performing with a Seal (“I did everything they asked him to do” he says).
Show business, banking, and food with George Burns.
- Burns shares stories of his wife Grace’s Irish dancing youth in San Francisco.
- Smith and Burns discuss show business, banking, sports, and food, with Burns sharing his love for the industry despite past struggles.
Comedy, acting, and radio/TV transition with George Burns.
- Burns says New York’s Palace Theater was the lifeblood of every actor.
- Burns offered $250 to Fred Allen for the rights to a joke about a bird flying backwards, but Allen refused.
- Burns discusses his transition from vaudeville to radio and television, citing ease of adaptability due to his and Gracie Allen’s communication storytelling skills.
- Burns shares his approach to dealing with bloopers in live TV shows.
George Burns’ career and upcoming projects.
- Burns discusses his comeback in the mid-70s after open heart surgery, including his role in “The Sunshine Boys” and how he was asked to read for the part.
- He credits the success of “Oh, God!” to his younger co-star John Denver, believing that his presence helped make the movie a hit.
- Burns reviews his busy schedule, describing upcoming projects and collaborations.
Show business, humor, and personal anecdotes.
- Burns discusses his offscreen life, including his love for women.
- In Dubuque, Burns performs a successful show, telling stories and joking with the audience.
- Jack Benny’s antics at a party, including falling down multiple times after Burns “borrows” a piece of white thread from Benny’s lapel, are recounted with humor and affection.
George Burns’ legacy and personalized autograph for children.
- Bob Smith shares a heartwarming story about 97 year old George Burns surprising Smith’s children with personally autographed pictures, demonstrating the comedian’s kindness and dedication to his fans.
- Bob Smith remembers George Burns’ life and legacy on his 100th birthday.
Bob Smith 0:00
Not many people ever had the chance to call comedian George Burns and say hello, George. Hello. This is Bob Smith. Okay, Bob very much enjoyed your last film here going in style. I did. I was one of the lucky ones. I met him in person too.
George Burns 0:15
I don’t know whether you saw the sunshine boys. Simon said certain things are funny. No pickles are funny. So funny. Cucumbers is a funny word. PR is funny. The BOK is funny, you know, certain things that are funny. Schenectady. Schenectady is very funny.
Bob Smith 0:33
Funny coming up today, you’re going to hear all of that as we celebrate the late great comedian George Burns on the off ramp with Bob Smith.
Welcome to the off ramp with Bob Smith a chance to take a break exit the fast lane, steer clear of crazy and relax and enjoy life. I told you in the first episode of the off ramp that in the coming weeks and months I’d be sharing the voices of famous entertainers. I had the pleasure to meet in my late 20s In my radio career. One of those folks was a gentleman I had several encounters with. Here’s a trivia question about him. Who’s the first known comedian to live to be 100, the first known comedian to live to be 100 His name George Burns. We met once via telephone and two other times face to face. George Burns was one of America’s most famous comedians. Eventually, he became the first entertainer to turn his old age into a gold mine, the man who was still performing well into his 90s with an act that poked fun at, well, what it was like to be old, and the world loved it. Here’s a great quote of his if you live to the age of 100 You haven’t made because very few people die past the age of 100. He was a pioneer of stand up comedy, and a star of Bonneville movies, radio, television, even music videos in the spring of 1980. At age 84, George Burns had become the oldest person ever to have a hit record on the national charts. I wish I was 18 Again, success had never been a stranger to George Burns. By the age of seven. He was already in show business, a member of a paid group called the peewee quartet in New York. And then by his late 20s, he and his wife and partner Gracie Allen were touring Europe and America as a vaudeville act, a top one at that, earning an income in six figures. In the 1930s. They went into radio in the movies in the 1950s a top television act. Gracie died in 1964. But George went on to win an Oscar in the sunshine boys in 1975. Then he played none other than the Lord in the hit comedy movie, oh god in 1977. When I met him in 1980, he was touring doing a live stand up comedy act that lasted more than an hour. When I asked him where his script was, he pointed to his head and he said it’s in my nut. He had it memorized. Amazing. He was at for the day he sat down in Los Angeles to talk by phone with two radio hosts in Dubuque, Iowa about a charity appearance he’d be making for a local hospital. Little did I know that a few weeks later, I’d find myself in a limousine with him smoking cigars and talking about life. But I’ll tell you about that encounter in a future episode. As you’ll see, his mind was still as sharp as a tag. And he often interrupted interviewers with the answers before they were done with the questions. Hello, George. This is Bob Smith. Okay, Bob pretty much enjoyed your last film here going in style. Good movie. I thought so. Yeah, I thought you were born Nathan burn bomb. Now I wondered who changed that name to George Burns. Where did that come from? When
George Burns 4:23
I was about seven years old. I came from the very very poor family. In fact, my family were poor up in the coal mines thought it wasn’t that helpful. We were we used to send them food packages. Anyway, we were very poor and that that was the the burns brothers called people were on the side. And every time they pass on neighborhood, I’d open the chute and the call would drop into the street. And there was another kid and myself his name was Kaplan and we used to pick up the call we want we want Nick so we’d fall on Nick is full of coal. And when we walked down the street that people would say to come to burns brothers. And that name stuck to me. So I’ve been using the name of burns since I’ve been seven years old. Yeah, it’s a true story. I had all kinds of names. You see, when I first started, I started to sing that the baby goat that I was selling coal, singing with a peewee quartet. When I was seven years old, I made more money with the cold. And I’ve been singing on saloons and saloons and on street corners, very boats. And then I started that one of the board ball. And my price name was Williams. I didn’t that club run with it. I did a roller skating. And then I kept changing my name because I was pretty bad. And I had to change my name practically every every week or every month because I couldn’t get a job at the same. I was what they call it disappointment. That that’s a Mac that that sits in an office with that grip packed. And in case a Mac that got sick. I would take his place. Every time I woke up, there was a flu epidemic.
Bob Smith 6:07
I’ve heard that your dear wife Gracie hooked up with you by accident that she was actually told her team up with your former partner Billy the rain. Yeah, well, that’s not
George Burns 6:16
true. I wrote that. But I lie.
Unknown Speaker 6:19
So she knew who you were when she teamed up with well, yeah, when she
George Burns 6:22
came backstage to meet her girlfriend, Nas Renard wasn’t me. And Billy Lorraine and I were going to split up that week. We only had three more days. But as you an upfront saw the act and she kind of liked me and to explain it. We worked together. We were married for 38 years. And we were together two years before that. So for 40 years, we worked together. We worked longer than that.
Bob Smith 6:47
Regionally, you were the funny man and Gracie played the site. When
George Burns 6:49
I first started. Yeah, I went for one performance only. Because it was my act. I wrote it. Myself, the comedian. Gracie asked the questions, and everybody laughed at the questions and nobody laughed at the answers. So I changed it immediately. When you were
Bob Smith 7:06
invited, you recorded the saying if if you ask if a lot of Billy and how he was doing and he said 17 minutes, and then he was a top back? Just how many minutes? Did you and Grace again?
George Burns 7:14
We did 17 minutes? Is that right? Yeah. Not the idea. Was it 17 minutes that mentor had a good spot on the bill. So and when you did go when you did 17 minutes hit walk on the side of the street where the palace was. So that hoping that somebody would say how are you doing it? The Fifth Avenue? Never say I’m doing good. I’m thinking on my head. It always gets mentioned that the time of your essay how you’re doing it’s a 17 minutes.
Speaker 1 7:41
You were a big and vaudeville but you were even bigger in radio. And you got your start with the Eddie Cantor show.
George Burns 7:46
Playing the palace that and he asked he asked me if I would allow Gracie to go on the show for up to five minutes on the chase and Sanborn show. I told that he can’t ride so she can go on your show if you’d like Gracie do a raw material. Show but I wanted to straight What do I say? I’d say how long do you want Gracie to be on these five minutes. I say you say to Gracie, how’s your brother? She’ll talk for five minutes. That’s what happened. And from then on, we were in radio. The next week we did the Ruby Valley show. And then we did that and we worked with Guy Lombardo and we stayed with him and then when he got on bottom left the show we took that show over on the radio business.
Bob Smith 8:23
The burns and Allen radio show was one of Broadcasting’s first situation comedies. Starting in the 40s George began putting he and Gracie in strange, unusual and hilarious circumstances, it became one of the most popular shows on network radio, and for good reason. The writing was excellent. The show explored the supposedly screwball relationship that George and Gracie had one in which like their show business relationship, Gracie was the real star.
Speaker 2 8:52
Let me just burn since you’re so happily married. Perhaps you have some advice to pass along to young girls in the matter of choosing the right husband?
Speaker 3 9:01
Yes, I have. When I was very young, I made up my mind that I would find the perfect man, man with personality looks brains, talent and charm. I searched for three years before I finally married George Burns.
Unknown Speaker 9:16
Then your advice to young girls would be just
Speaker 3 9:19
what I did give up the hope research and married
Speaker 2 9:26
experience isn’t it difficult to maintain a career and a home at the same time? I mean, isn’t it drudgery to come home from the studio and have to cook dinner
Speaker 3 9:35
miss if you were cooking for the one you love what you call it graduate?
Unknown Speaker 9:41
No, I guess I wouldn’t.
Unknown Speaker 9:43
Well neither does judge.
Speaker 3 9:54
Dear, would you say that were happily married grocery
Unknown Speaker 9:58
we’ve been out probably married for 11 years, oh,
Speaker 3 10:01
11 years, our marriage has been successful because we realize that married people have to give up certain things. Remember how I asked you to give up betting on the races? Yeah. And I gave it up and you certainly did. And remember how you asked me to stop buying so many hats? Yep. You gave that up, too.
George Burns 10:24
I certainly did.
Speaker 3 10:25
Die. You’re a wonderful husband, George. Do you love me as much as I love you? Of course I do. I’d like to hear you say, darling. I love you. Okay, darling. Those things you know. Alright. Gotta take them for granted.
Unknown Speaker 10:43
Okay
Speaker 3 10:48
Dallas for a little word. Dolly means so much to us. Darling
Unknown Speaker 11:00
Gracie, darling, I love you.
Unknown Speaker 11:05
Now you see that wasn’t hard was it again? Darling idea those things?
Unknown Speaker 11:12
Right again tomorrow.
Bob Smith 11:13
He’s a burns and Ellen radio skit. That’s a gym of writing. It’s about income taxes.
Speaker 4 11:19
Now let’s see, figuring our income on the basis of the community property law. That would make the community property law. That’s the California law that says half of everything I’ve got is yours. And half of everything you’ve got his mind. Oh,
Speaker 3 11:34
then how come I only get 1/4 of the money we make?
Speaker 4 11:40
Well, that’s the way it works out did look, I’ll show you here in my hand is $1 and change. Yeah, now half of everything. I’ve got yours. So here’s 50 cents. Thank you know half of everything. You’ve got his mind. How much have you got? Half of it is mine handed over
Speaker 3 12:04
see how it works. I see how it works. Let’s try that again. And this time I’ll start with $1. Okay, now, half of everything I’ve got is yours. So here’s 50 cents. Thank you. And how does the second
Speaker 4 12:21
half of everything you’ve got us mine? How much have you got 50 cent half of it as mine handed off. Thank
Speaker 3 12:32
you all right, George. It comes out the same way no matter how you do it.
Bob Smith 12:37
The talent on the burns and Allen radio show was top notch. George Burns hired top band leaders like Tony Martin rd Shaw, Paul Whiteman, who commissioned George Gershwin’s Rhapsody in Blue in the 20s and Meredith Wilson, who went on to write the music man. comedy writers like how Goldman and Seaman Jacobs were equally talented going on to write for Andy Griffith Carol Burnett, all in the family, the Smothers Brothers and different strokes in the TV era. Burns and Allen began their radio career as guest stars on the Eddie Cantor Guy Lombardo and Rudy Vallee radio shows. So it’s no surprise that guest stars were a regular feature on theirs. Here’s Ronald Reagan as a guest on burns and Ellen 34 years before he became president of the United States. At the time, he was a romantic leading man in Hollywood.
Speaker 5 13:29
You’re Gracie Allen, aren’t you? That’s right. And look who’s behind the chair. It’s George.
Unknown Speaker 13:38
No, this is my friend Blanche Martin.
Speaker 5 13:40
Oh, I’m terribly sorry. Please forgive me Blanche. Is it? All right, if I call you Blanche.
Unknown Speaker 13:46
Yeah, I like it better than George.
Unknown Speaker 13:52
Please sit down. Ladies now to what do I owe the pleasure of this visit?
Speaker 3 13:55
Oh, well, we want to find out all about your life. Mr. Reagan. You see, George is going to make a speech at your dinner.
Unknown Speaker 14:02
Yes. So I’ve been warned, told.
Speaker 3 14:06
Well, now tell me all about yourself. And I’ll make notes for George.
Speaker 5 14:09
Very well. I’ll start by telling you where I came from. I was raised on a farm in Illinois. Well, that
Speaker 3 14:15
certainly beats California. All they can raise out here is vegetables.
Speaker 5 14:22
I met that my father had a farm and I grew up on it. Oh, I went to a country school. This’ll sound corny, but I actually had to walk four miles to the schoolhouse you
Speaker 3 14:32
poor boy. Did you go to college? Yes. I
Unknown Speaker 14:35
went to college on a scholarship that certainly
Unknown Speaker 14:36
beat Walking Dead. Yes. Well tell me more about the farm. Did you raise any silos? One
Speaker 5 14:46
of the biggest in Illinois until a cyclone came along? I remember one summer we have three cyclones really? Yeah, but we had a good cyclone seller.
Speaker 3 14:54
Oh, we must have been good if he soldier three cycles. Oh boy the days now I want to know all about you now. Hello, die you.
Speaker 5 15:07
You mean before we started this interview or now I’ve aged consider
Speaker 3 15:15
how old are you now and tell the truth. Mr. Regan. I think it’s silly for people to lie about their age.
Unknown Speaker 15:21
Well, I’d say I’m about your age.
Unknown Speaker 15:24
Oh and out of college already. Yes. Now tell me some exciting things that have happened to you. Well, I’ve
Speaker 5 15:35
had a few narrow escapes hunting. See the bearskin rug in front of the fireplace? Yes. Bear charge me how much
Unknown Speaker 15:47
he attacked me.
Unknown Speaker 15:48
If I hadn’t gotten him. He’d have gotten me. Oh,
Speaker 3 15:50
well, I’m awfully glad it was him. He makes him much better rug. Is that is that the most nerve wracking experience you’ve ever had?
Speaker 5 16:00
Let’s say it was the second most nerve wracking. It isn’t over yet.
Bob Smith 16:09
Coming up next, George Burns talks about his pioneering TV show and his best friend, comedian Jack Benny. We return now to the off ramp with Bob Smith. When you talk to a great show business figure like George Burns, the names of other top entertainers come to mind. We asked him about two men he worked with at one time were another musician Tony Martin and WC Fields.
George Burns 16:34
I gave Tony Martin start on one of our radio shows. Tony Martin used to be with us a saxophone player. And he played a little combination in Oakland, California had him sing. And I put them on the radio show but the Andy sang begin to begin. But Tony Martin so used to singing with the sax around his neck and playing with the with the little buttons on the sax that he couldn’t sing unless he had a saxophone around. So I finally took the saxophone off his neck. He sang begin to begin play to his buttons. When he got to the second cars, he lost his plans.
Bob Smith 17:13
Since George went way back, we asked him about WC Fields. Well, it
George Burns 17:18
was a great day luncheon was a good it was a great comedian. You know, I mean, what’s good to say what’s the name? It’s a great comedian, a great star. And and I think that happened once that we were we were just doing a scene with Gracie. And we’re sitting at a dinner table. Restaurant, and Gracie hit him with a line walked away from the table. Peggy Hopkins Joy sitting at the table Gracie and WC Fields. And she hit him with a line and left. And fields felt he should have something to say he felt like he had a gun. Didn’t know what to do. And and that allele mCherry was directories have been Gracie leads. I need something I gotta say. Definitely. And they were struggling. So I went over to him. I says look in my life. I said look, Phil, I said to God, bless his scotch on the table. And you’ve got a glass of water and you’ve got a cup of coffee. Or you should take two pieces of sugar. Put it in the water mix the coffee and drink the scotch and take your napkin and wipe Peggy face and he loved it and from then on he liked me before that he
Bob Smith 18:39
said the books I’ve been reading yours and the one that Irving read about Jack Benny I understand you’ve been a practical joker most of your life. Do you still find yourself doing those things?
George Burns 18:48
Oh, no, no. I talk in that spot comes up where you say a funny line. I’d say it and somebody has somebody else’s a funny line they steal it. Then say it. But Jack Benny myself I wasn’t a practice wasn’t practical jokes. You couldn’t plan to make me laugh. It had to be spontaneous. There were little simple things like rentals. Um, I met Jack at the club and he said I didn’t sleep last night. I started just sleep the night before he says great. I just won’t sleep every other night. Those are the things that would break them up.
Bob Smith 19:25
Understand there was an incident I believe it was a chastens restaurant. Yeah,
George Burns 19:29
where I made them pay the pay the bill is the Jack Benny used to plan things that never worked out. We’re in Jason’s restaurant and he says George I got an idea that he paid the check. So what’s the idea he says what happened very expensive meal and then without the fight when the check comes in our call arbitration say a judge pays the judge bench press the check I’m never I’m never gonna come in here again. And you same Jack many pays the check. I’m never gonna come in here again. And we’re back Very good customers. And Jason will say, nevermind boys, I’ll take the check. So we had this expensive dinner, when the check game Jack called over Jason. And he said to you give George a check, I’m never coming in. And I never said anything. I just said that. So they gave Jack But Jack. He brought it up. That’s what made it funny. You’ve
Bob Smith 20:21
had a comic technique for years of breaking character and talking directly to the audience with the rest of the actors in the skin not talking to the audience. Why did you start that?
George Burns 20:30
When we went into television? We were in radio for 19 years. And then on television for eight years, when we went into television, I thought that they present an original gimmick was done in the show on a Broadway show. So I stole it.
Bob Smith 20:45
You got into movies about the same time as radio, I guess with Parramatta in the early 30s. And here, about 50 years later, you’re doing movies again, do you find there’s a lot of difference for you as an actor in the way movies are made?
George Burns 20:56
Oh, yeah, yeah, my movies are entirely different than everybody on when I went in the movies, everybody looked like the Lord still real. Everybody had a big red lips, a lot of makeup, you know, but they don’t do that anymore. It’s very natural that they you know, they don’t like to stage as bright as they did. And that said, there’s a natural feeling debate to the actors. The other the other time, everybody felt that they were pictures that were movies that they would visit. It’s not that feeling is a natural feeling.
Bob Smith 21:27
We were talking with Fred Waring. It was in town recently and he was talking about those early days on the sound stages, saying that the klieg lights were so hot people were passing out and almost laying down. Your head
George Burns 21:39
would melt. You know, and if you were to pay, you couldn’t keep an eye on the lights were so hot. Mine kept falling off. Don’t tell any of you need any help. I mean, that’s the truth. What about oh,
Bob Smith 21:53
god SQL? Could you tell us a little bit about that? Well,
George Burns 21:55
I come down looking for John Denver, and I can’t find him. And I meet a little girl, her name is Luann. And she’s 11 year old girl regretted like this and that God and this little girl gets to be great, Brutus. And it’s a very, very good movie. And it’s the same kind of a God that you had in the last
Unknown Speaker 22:14
is John Denver in that to film? Oh, no, no, no, I
George Burns 22:17
come down God, God, the God looks down that there’s a us as the country’s in a mess. I think I’ll go down there and try to straighten it out. As he comes down. He says, Well, as long as I’m here. I’ll say hello to John. I don’t call him John, then. But you know. And while I’m looking for John, while I’m ready to say hello to John Denver, I meet this little girl. And the girl was very, very good. She she did the lead and me and Annie. She said
Bob Smith 22:45
you You recently had your hit record. And I was 18. Again, right? What was your? What was your reaction to that becoming one of the top 10 songs? Well, it’s,
George Burns 22:54
it’s a big hit. And so as my album, I’m now a country singer. I became a country singer at 84.
Bob Smith 23:00
We asked George if he could remember performing in Iowa back in the 20s vital. All I
George Burns 23:06
know is I played to the days and got paid.
Bob Smith 23:10
Which I did. That’s all that’s important. I guess.
George Burns 23:13
Right now I’m a dramatic actor. When I go on the stage, I get paid. If I cry, they pay me for crying. They don’t pay me while I’m crying. Then I really cry
Bob Smith 23:23
and your career what’s given you the most pleasure you’ve done vaudeville radio movie. So
George Burns 23:27
the last thing I do the last thing to do the last thing. I love showbusiness. But I would not never stop. I mean, what would I do? I mean, I don’t think anybody’s at the time. I think it’s a it’s gonna be a great show, to show that it’s a collection of things I’ve done all my life. I got some great songs. I got some great depth anecdotes, and I think the audience will enjoy it very much.
Bob Smith 23:52
So that was my phone call with George Burns. One month later, I met him in person. At the airport, several 100 unsuspecting people looked on then did a vaudevillian doubletake as they saw the old man coming into the terminal from the commercial jetliner. Slowly they gathered around him politely asking for autographs and shaking hands. George Burns had arrived. Nice to say.
A few minutes later, I slipped into the backseat of a Lincoln Continental beside him. And there he was. George Burns. Funny though, he sounded like George Burns and he was smoking a cigar like George Burns, but he really didn’t look like George Burns in his civilian clothes, a light jacket and a fishing hat. He just looked like somebody’s grandfather. I had to pinch myself to remember who he was and why I was there to get something on tape that I could play be on the air as soon as we got into town to promote the show. So I quickly got down to business asking him why old vaudeville comedians used to love poking fun at the names of cities and towns where they performed dead
George Burns 25:14
fun with the town. Certain names were funny, you know, like, I don’t know whether you saw the sunshine boys. Simon said certain things are funny. No, pickles are funny. So funny. Cucumbers is a funny word. PR is funny. The BOK is funny. You know, there are certain things that are funny. Schenectady, Schenectady is very funny out.
Bob Smith 25:36
Soon we were barreling down the highway starting our 75 mile journey. I’m telling you this because you’ll hear some pretty strong road noise in the next several recordings. I asked George Burns about the last time he performed in Iowa 50 years earlier in the 1920s. Did burns and Allen do their famous act called lamb chops, or another one called 6040.
George Burns 25:57
But it’s very hard to remember, you know, and the most important thing is those days was where, where, where would you eat, you know, where would that body houses, you know, restaurants, but mostly boarding houses and get your blood three debt free in four days. And it was not a full week. late Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, and then a new show would come in Thursday, Friday, Saturday and Sunday. And you did three shows a day. And a business called Richard the four show Saturday and Sunday.
Bob Smith 26:28
You did roller skating actually with peewee quartet and all of that. Did you do comedy all along? No,
George Burns 26:34
that says just singing and dancing. And I worked with the skating act and I’ve worked with them. Banana my word for the sale. You know, you worked with the seal. Yeah, did not wait for this. I did everything and shoulders. I did anything they asked me to do.
Bob Smith 26:49
I asked him about that rollerskating act. How did that work? And like a magician revealing how to take a coin out of his sleeve. He told me how it was done.
George Burns 26:59
Namely the act of Rana Williams, singers, dancers are older skaters. And we danced we did bhakti in our buck dancing is like Irish dancing, you know, dropping a lot of taps. You know Buck dancing give me Herrmann. Well, we used to buck dance on skates. And the way it used to do though you’re able to do that you see you a skate has has four wheels on each skate. The back wheels didn’t turn. You skate around the front wheels, okay, and the back wheels didn’t turn at all. So when you get down on your whole foot, on the heels of you at the skate, you have perfect balance. You could dance there when you want to skate off yet skate on your front wheels. But now I can tell you that because I’m not doing the skating. But I’m running. I’m running it for everybody. It’s going to go skating.
Bob Smith 27:47
Again, my apologies for some of the road noise and these recordings. A little later, George Burns launched into a story about his wife Grace’s youth as an Irish dancer with their sisters in San Francisco.
George Burns 27:59
A lot of population a lot of Irish. So brace his family every time an Irishman would teach them a step. Let’s say the guy that told them a step his name was done a bit. Well, they’d call the step down. And I’m Kelly would teach him a step. They’d call that Kelly. Then when they went to a contest or something, they’d say, Well do do Donovans then we’ll do one Kelly. And we’ll do a fracas. And we’ll do Fitzpatrick and the people on the on the beach that have been through the streetcar in San Francisco, you know, the little lager but God the, what he called the colleagues know, they got that goes up and down the hills, the cable cars, they thought the girls were crazy. They know the kind of job.
Bob Smith 28:38
After a good bit of conversation, George Burns turned to me and said, I think you’ve got enough of me, at which point I agreed and unplugged my handheld microphone. Then I made a decision that I’ve never regretted. I let the recorder keep running. With the internal microphone on the machine, capturing our continued conversation, a conversation which ranged from show business, to banking, to sports to food. None of that has ever been heard outside of my family. But I’ll be playing portions of it in an upcoming episode of the off ramp. A few hours after our ride I was proud to ask the first question at George Burns press conference. I read in your book that you were felt you’re a failure until you were 27 Why is that? Well,
George Burns 29:27
it wasn’t a failure. I didn’t get it I didn’t have any job but that but I was in love with what I was doing. I wasn’t doing very well but I love doing nothing. In other words I would rather rather been a failure and show business than the success making fell tats I don’t think I would like making fell tats alright, I love the business. I wasn’t I didn’t know I wasn’t I wasn’t doing well.
Bob Smith 29:53
One vaudeville comic George Burns was asked about was Joe Frisco the stuttering comedian who Heald originally from the city of Dubuque, and burns knew him. Oh
George Burns 30:04
yeah. Well, when Gracie and I were playing the palace that a Joe fresco told me a wonderful job. It took him about 30 minutes to tell the show because he started his generosity, stamina. Although I worked with a kid that stammered but belly Lorraine. And people that start up when they sing, they don’t start up. And when I was working with Billy Lorraine, somebody broke into our trunk up in the hotel room, and Billy came down to the hotel, he was all excited and started and he stammered and stammered and I said Billy singer, he sang, we were just robbed.
And anyway, Joe fresco, say, gave us a great joke. And the joke was, we were then what they call a standard man, a woman. I was getting my phone and I was a week, which is a lot of money. And a standard man or woman Act is an Act that plays big time. That is, but they don’t get top billing the good act standard, you know, good, solid. And Joe Frisco gave us a joke about a bird that flies backwards. It’s not interested in where it’s going. It’s interesting where it’s been, which is a very old job, but it wasn’t then I’m going back 5060 years. Anyway, I thought it was a great job. So Gracie and I did it at the palace because we did a Boyd routine and got a big lab. And we got a call from Fred Allen. And he said that that joke that you’re doing about the bird flying backwards belongs to me take it out here, hey, well, we couldn’t take it out of our rack because we did it at the Palace and the palace was the lifeblood of every actor. So I offered him $50 for the job for that one job. I offered him $100 for the job. I finally offered him $250 for that job and he wouldn’t sell it. So I called up a writers name was John P met Barry Rohit, California grade writer. I told him I had a problem i i told him the whole story and I said the bird flies backwards. It’s not interested in where it’s going. It’s interesting where it’s been. And John met Barry said have the bird fly upside down in case aren’t the shoots that he falls up. So I did it and sold it to Fred Allen for touring
Bob Smith 32:30
will return with more of George Burns on the off ramp with Bob Smith after this. Welcome back to the off ramp with Bob Smith. We continue now with my encounters with George Burns. At the press conference, George Burns was asked about some of the talents he hadn’t worked with in his career.
George Burns 32:50
Well, I have worked with all of them. I’d like to work with arratia Ballard. Is he still around? I’ve never worked with Maria I wait. I never worked with Johnson. I never I worked with that he can’t up there’s a lot of stars. Because there were people that were great stars that weren’t shows Gracie and I will never show is you know, that was Sam Barnard and Louis man and Cliff Gordon of people that you don’t even know you know that we’re all great stuff. But we were never in shows we were born but we were born brilliance. You know? And now I’m an actor. I’m a dramatic actor I can make I make people cry. If you pay me, I’ll make you cry. I make you cry and you don’t pay me then I’ll cry.
Bob Smith 33:40
There were a lot of acts that didn’t make the transition from vaudeville to radio primarily visual acts like jugglers, acrobats and animal acts. But George and Gracie had no problem.
George Burns 33:52
It was very easy for Gracie and myself. When we were in in broadbill. We talked and then radio came in and we talked. And then television came in and we talked and I’m still talking so we had no problem at that. Yeah, I’ll tell you why. The problem on radio was powers elephants swains cats and rats. Thanks murals, you couldn’t see them so they couldn’t get a job. But our radio your talk and your
Bob Smith 34:23
work that burns and Allen successfully made the transition from vaudeville to radio, radio to movies and movies to TV is history. And along the way, George had fun with each medium that he used. In their first film short, George had Gracie looking for the invisible audience until he pointed out the camera to her. In radio. He had his sound effects man become a regular character, complaining about ringing the bells opening and closing the doors and making the footsteps in TV. He was the only character who talked directly to the audience, and he eavesdropped on Gracie. With the families own living room TV set, he even stopped one scene in the TV show to explain to the audience that the man they’d been used to seeing playing his next door neighbor had quit the show for more money, while
George Burns 35:13
the audience were in the middle of a scene, and, and and I said to the audience, Fred Calaca wanted to $1,500 a week and I offered him 1250. I said, if I gave him $1,500 A week, he’d be making more money than I’m making. So we got another actor to take his place of that I’m only paying $750 a week. And he’s gonna play mr. Morton and I want you to meet him. I had the audience meet him on the show and on and I never got one letter. Everybody agreed with me. They said you did the right thing. You’re honest. Gonna have to be president United States. The
Bob Smith 35:49
first 50 TV shows in the burns and Allen series, we’re done live. And George Burns was asked if he had any problem with bloopers.
George Burns 35:57
Well, we had brokers but no, the sponsor wouldn’t get upset if the sponsors get upset if your writing is bad. If you’ve got bloopers and a bad rating, you can’t get your job. They you’re fired. And if you haven’t gotten any bloopers, and you’ve got a bad rating of fire to the most important thing is your rating. You got rated you’ve got a good rating, you’re gonna have bloopers. We had a lot of bloopers. And not only that, when we weren’t television, everybody had a good rating because everybody was on the top 10 Because they’re only 8x Let me tell you something I lie a lot.
Bob Smith 36:37
In the mid 70s, George Burns made his triumphal comeback playing in the sunshine boys with Walter Matthau, a show he won an Oscar for for Best Supporting Actor. He was asked how his comeback came about.
George Burns 36:50
Well, let me say this, Gracie and I made a lot of movies. But we always played burns of Allen. We never played characters. My comeback. I was never an actor until I had open heart surgery. After I had open heart surgery, I did the sunshine boys. So my idea of you want to be a very good actor have open heart surgery. Now how that happened was, I was 79 years old. And the Jack Benny was supposed to do the sunshine boys, you know. And then he died. And I was handled by opening fine waltz on handle jag men and they asked me to read for doc Simon Neil Simon and herb Ross, the director. And it was a very easy part for me to play because it was written for me. Pot called for somebody old and I was they called for somebody Jewish and I am a call for somebody that was born in New York City and I was that was that. And I had a marvelous time working with that. Walter Matthau and Deke Benjamin herb Ross, a great director, Neil Simon writes great words and to get paid for doing his reading, doing his word.
Bob Smith 38:02
George Burns biggest success prior to the press conference was the motion picture, oh, God, and He gave credit to his much younger coaster singer John Denver.
George Burns 38:13
The reason that the Old God was a good movie, and I had a lot of impact was because of John Denver. Because I think if God really came down and look for a good man, he depict them, but I don’t think the picture would have worked if I came down and found Milton Berle. I think that the young people today. If anybody is awkward showbusiness, you can’t keep them out. There’s a lot of great young talent. For instance, the fellow that wrote going in style 27 years old, modern breast He not only directed it, but but he wrote it. All these kids today that that Sergeant Pepper’s Lonely Hearts Club Band that the Bee Gees, and Peter Frampton, they make millions of dollars. Kids not only make the records today, they they own the record company, they write the words they write the music. They do it all.
Bob Smith 39:08
You would have thought George Burns was young, much younger. Anyway, when you heard about all the things he’d done and was going to do,
George Burns 39:16
I’ve got another Oh, God coming out. October the third. Oh god book two. And then I’ve got my album coming out. And I did that without Canina Lee Strasberg going in style. I’ve finished that. And now I’m going to do another movie for Warner Brothers called enough to go around. And then I’m going to play the Saturday I’m playing in Chicago with with Kenny Rogers. And then I’m going to play with I’m doing six days with John Denver. And then I’m going to in the summer I’m playing four weeks of Rounders that isn’t around unbusy Burns
Bob Smith 40:01
was long known as a man who never finished a song on stage. But recently he’d completed a whole album full of songs. Well,
George Burns 40:09
I’ll tell you why I didn’t finish any songs. And Bravo. I used to sing very fast songs. And I, and by the time the audience found out that they hated me, I was out of town. But then they asked me to come to Nashville until we do or do a country album and they and they paid me. So I went, and it was a great experience. And I found out that country singing is well, you can’t miss read even with 32 violins. It was six guitars, piano, bass and drums and eight backup singers. With all that help that didn’t need me that good to use Kenny Rogers.
Bob Smith 40:51
Burns was asked about his offscreen life. How about all those Hollywood nights?
George Burns 40:56
I’ve never been to a wild Hollywood party. I’ve never been to I bet the crazy bodies, but never wild Hollywood where people take their clothes off. I wouldn’t take my clothes off and anybody I’d look bad naked would make up on.
Bob Smith 41:15
Burns was asked about two of his favorite subjects, cigars and women. I smoke
George Burns 41:20
an el producto cigar. And the reason that I smoke it is that it fits my Hold’em. And I work with a cigar on the stage and on television and I think it’s good you’re gonna work with a cigar I don’t think it’s nice to have people see the weddings. So I might not be good on the stage but I’m neat. And my advice to anybody that’s my age, when I was 18 I went out with the with the young girls, I like them then why shouldn’t I like them now? And that goes for women too. You know? I love all I do is if I can get a girl to put my cigar into my holder it’s exciting I like to get out of bed at my age I think it’s terribly important not to stay in bed and I can make any money in bed and and I I’m going to be a show business as long as I’m alive. I love it. I think it’s a great but I think everybody ought to be in showbusiness.
Bob Smith 42:25
George Burns most recent Hollywood success was the hit record. I wish I was 18 again. And the question that night? Did he really wished that
George Burns 42:35
a date? Well or isn’t the thing I can’t do now that I didn’t do when I was 18 I was I was pretty pathetic when I was 18. Okay, sorry.
Bob Smith 42:51
Later that night, George Burns did his show. Singer dancer Abbey Lane warmed up the audience. Then George came on stage to a standing ovation. I know what you’re doing. He joked you’re afraid I won’t be around for the end of the show. Then he launched into an evening of delightful stories, song and dance and anecdotes about the famous performers he’d worked with over his career, including his best friend, Jack Benny. Benny had just died and the memories of him were very fresh among the audience. We
George Burns 43:22
were at a party one night. Now he had a piece of white thread stuck on the lapel of his coat. And I said oh, so that’s what they’re wearing. Now. Do you mind if I borrow and I took the piece of white that of his lapel and I put it on my lapel. Now that’s that’s the whole bit. And I’m sure nobody’s gonna steal that from me. He fell down three times. Next day, I took a piece of white thread, put it in the box and send it to his house with a little note on it. I said thanks for letting me wear this last night. An hour later, Mary called me up she says that piece of white thread got here about an hour ago and his jacket still on the floor laughing she says as soon as he stops laughing I think I’m gonna leave him.
And then before we were married, we used to eat together every night and eating with Jack is quite an experience. He never He never likes what he orders. He only likes what you order. And we’re in this restaurant and he had lab shops and I had a steak and he looked at my steak and his mouth started at the water. And he said would you would you like a piece of my lunch up? I said no. Then you’ll want a piece of my steak. Fell down twice. And the next night we’re in the same restaurant. He said your steak looked so good last night. It looks delicious. I’m gonna order it tonight. This is good. I’ll have lamb chops. He looked at my lamb chops and his mouth started the water said would you like a piece of the steak? I said no. Then you’ll want a piece of my lamb chop. You only felt that once because you heard that joke before. Now the night he had roast beef and I had chicken, he looked at my chicken. I said, hold it. I said, you’re like chicken. He says, Yes. As you take my chicken and I’ll take your roast beef. He looked at my roast beef and his mouth started the war. I didn’t say anything because sometimes even a comedians comedian gets tired of getting laughs Then one night we were invited to Louis B mares house. He had a music alto introduces new singing star Jeanette MacDonald and Gracie and Mary and Jack and I went, and after dinner they had two rows of chairs around the piano. And when Jeanette MacDonald got up to sing her famous song Indian love koala hush fell over the room. And I leaned over to Jack and I whispered to him I said Jack when this lovely lady starts to sing it would be very rude if you were to laugh
Well, she knows sooner got the first note out of a throat. A shoulder shock he laughed he fell down they had to carry him out of the room. So he not only rolling Jeanette McDonald’s song but he ruined Roy B. Mares music L. CSC. I’m not the only one that made them laugh. Jeanette MacDonald used to make a map book.
Bob Smith 46:34
One last story to tell you what a Prince George Burns was 14 years later when he was 97 years old. And I was married and had two children. My kids, Chelsea and Ben had developed an appetite for old radio shows. And they were going to bed listening to old Jack Benny shows and burns and Allen radio shows. And Marsha and I were talking and I said, you know, it would be really cool if I could get an autographed picture of George Burns for the kids. So I wrote to George Burns, and I sent him recordings I did with him in 1980. And I said, I’d like to tell you about two of your biggest fans and your newest fans. And I described how they loved his radio show. And I named all the characters. And I close by saying it would be a very small thing for you, but a great big thing for them, if you would send them a personally autographed picture. Well, a couple of months went by and we didn’t hear anything. And I thought well, he’s he’s probably tired. He’s getting very old and he doesn’t need to do this publicity stuff anymore. Maybe he doesn’t do it anymore. Well, lo and behold, Marsha called me at work one day and said, George came through and I came home we opened the package. And there were two eight by 10 glossies and scrolled across them in a 97 year old man’s handwriting were personal autographs to Chelsea, all my best George Burns. To Benjamin all my best George Burns. And in this craggy handwriting that had to be authentic. Nobody could make it up. There was George Burns signature. And even though he had no reason he had to do this kind of stuff anymore. I mean, he had a career of 90 years behind him. He still did that. He did that for my kids. And to me, that was a good measure of what the man was all about. George Burns died at the age of 104 months after hitting that milestone in 1996. It was a national news story that day, a man who brought laughter to generations of Americans is gone. George Burns died Saturday at his Beverly Hills home. Just weeks after his 100th birthday. He charmed audiences for more than 90 years. Starting on the vaudeville circuit. George Burns has three stars on the Hollywood Walk of Fame, one for live performance, a second for motion pictures, and a third for television. George and his wife Gracie were pictured on a US commemorative postage stamp in 2009. will feature audio from my limousine ride with George Burns. He’d an upcoming episode. Well, that’s it for now time to start up the engine and get back on the express way of life. Thanks for listening, and I hope you’ll join me again next time on the off ramp with Bob Smith.
The off ramp with Bob Smith is produced in association with CPL radio and the Cedarbrook Public Library Cedarburg, Wisconsin.
Transcribed by https://otter.ai
